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Well, if you are a person who has decided to be naughty for a while, taking a 2000km walk to Delhi or
wherever must be good for you or your true love would not have suggested it.
1. Walking strenghtens your legs, feet, ankles, toes.
2. It strengthens your heart, improves circulation, helps with bowel movement.
3. These are the benefits, of course exercise and sex have these benefits too.
4. Walking stresses an already over stressed brain. The faster you go the more the stress.
This more than outweighs the benefits listed in 1 and 2.
5. So, what you should do is figure out that Delhi is not a wonderful place and not rush to get there.
6. When you walk, you should aim to be peaceful and happy. You are with your lover, Lord Vishnu.
So, walk 50 yards (50 metres) maybe humming to yourself, maybe looking at the girls or boys in front of you, hopefully
Then take a break, looking at the trees and lakes and listening to the birds singing for you.
And listen also for what Lord Vishnu is telling you. Maybe a joke to see you smile. Or some words of wisdom.
Maybe something sad to make you cry, for crying is good for you too.
So, while you wait a few minutes before continuing your journey destress your brain, relax, look at the surroundings
Lord Vishnu made specially for you. Talk to people nearby. And of course, waiting there you are still on your
journey of love.
7. Then when Lord Vishnu says to you ' move it', another 50 yards(metres) ambling along real slow, keeping your brain relaxed.
8. Actually, walking this way for a distance makes it easy on the legs but hard on the mind.
9. With Western education, your stupid mind is anxious to get to Delhi and get this horrible journey over fast.
10. Only in India are people still happy to go slow and take their time.
11. Unless you are used to walking, you should go as slow as possible, and build up from 5 km (3 miles) per day.
12. The next day do 6 km, then7 km,.. and build up until you do 10 km per day. That is all you need.
13. The faster you walk, the hungrier you become, eg at 3.6 kmph (2.2mph) you need 6 gms of chocolate
for every km you walk, 22 gms per hour. This compares with sleep, exercise and sexual activity where you need about 5 gms per hour.
14. Obviously for short distances you can go really fast. But an average male up to age about 60, walks at 3.6 km per hour
(2.2 mph) after an initial determination to go fast. Speed tails off a little as the typical person grows old
and by the time he is 85, his long distance speed is about 2.5 km ph (1.6 mph).
15. Women, because they are so evil, age faster, so manage the 3.6 kmph (2.2 mph) up to age 33 or so (not 60!)
and this drops off year by year until age 70 they are at 2.5 kmph (1.6 mph).
Of course, there are a few women who do try and look after themselves.
16. These days people consume about 2.5 gms of Western poison per day. With a 10 km walk, about 1 gm is excreted in
your sweat, and 15 (!) gms descends into your feet, from accumulated previous poison.
17. Poison is not good for your feet.
18. After your day's walk of say 10 km, you need to lie down on your back and wave etc. your feet in the air
doing lots of different foot and toe exercises that I describe eksewhere on this website.
19. First, lie on your back, bend your legs over your tummy and wrap your hands over your shins.
20. Relax, and wave your feet a bit, up and down, back and forth. 2 minutes gentle. 21. Relax, then repeat. Do not disturb your toes even if they tingle. If you wish to scratch, the poison is coming
out towards the skin which is good.
22. Then relax and repeat, just pressing first your heels away from you then toes away without actually
disturbing your toes. Then lie on the bed legs outstretched and recover.
23.That is all you need. As you rest, or whatever, most of the rest of the poison even in your toes will seep
into the blood stream to be mostly excreted in your faeces, eyes etc. Keep your toes still.
After you have slept or whatever, after a few hours, take your foot in one hand and squeeze in different directions.
Avoid your toes.
24. The next day you are ready for another up to 10 km walk to get rid of another 16 gms of poison.
25. In a typical human, there is about 200 gms of Western poison, obviously more if you are fat.
26. So, after about 2 weeks of walking, most of it will have left your body.
27. This is the real reason why walking is good for you, just 2 weeks, and then back to pleasure, exercise etc.
28. If you walk more than the 10 km on a day, unless you are in shape, you will ache more, and the next day
you will be inclined to walk less, so the only 'benefit' is that overall you ache more.
On the second day, the starting is a little more difficult, but surprisingly time goes more quickly or is it
that 7 km is shorter? You get into swing of it and your legs soon feel no worse than yesterday.
The toes feel a little strained, but that is just poison being shifted in the best possible way for you.
Weight allowance. You will find that every 1 kg (2.2 lbs) slows your speed down by about 0.2 kmph (0.13mph).
For example, if you are typical person and try carrying 18 kg, 40 lbs, you will travel at zero speed and die.
Also, every additional weight you carry (heavy army boots, fat on tummy, or shoulder pack, for example)
not only slows you down but also means you spend less time walking. Instead of travelling for 2 hours, say,
if you carry 9 kg 20 lbs, you will walk for 1 hour at 1.8 kmph, so only go 1.8 km(1.1mile) that day, not 7 km
Even if you are non veg and insensitive, you will notice a 1.5 kg extra weight on you straightaway, let alone after 1 km.
When you stop every 50 metres (yards), it is tough on the legs to get going again.But you will find that this is best
and your legs adjust after 2 days.
Somehow, that second day, you are more peaceful, happier, maybe even manage a slight smile.
There are things you can do to correct smiling and happiness.
You can buy a 'step-ometer' which you can programme to see how many footsteps there are to Delhi.
Like British people do to go to sleep by counting sheep, every step you take a look at step-ometer and say to yourself
"only another 107365182759 steps to go". 200 grams, plus glasses to see the figures 200 gms, plus glasses case
150 gms, plus shoulder bag to put glasses case in 400 grams plus 17 bras to fill shoulder bag and you soon get to 1.5kg.
Did you know that if you walk in middle of road and car hits you and you die it is one of least painful ways to die?
Typically it takes only 5 minutes, and of these your soul is awake but your mind is only conscious for about 30 secs.
Contrast that with 550 hours on a cross. 30 secs of similar level pain instead, or 5 mins for your soul.
You were given stupid advice when at school to look left, right, left again when crossing road.
Best is look straight ahead military style and keep your eye focussed on approaching truck as it cones at you.
And other eye, look at pretty girl on left, and wish.
Where is Delhi? At school people have been taught that Delhi exists and that it is in North of country.
They have also been taught that North exists, and it is opposite direction from South.
But they have not been taught Delhi direction, nor which way is North.
A cockroach will give you no worse directions.
Now, it so happens that Lord Vishnu knows directions to Delhi. And if by any chance you found Indian with intelligence
of over 3 IQ points, Lord Vishnu can instruct him (yes, no woman can have this high IQ) to tell you left or right
or more probably 'sod off'.
And (I have experienced this personally, not Delhi, but different places) if He wants Delhi on left at 1 km away
for you it will happen.
When you have excess of 200 gms (0.4 lbs) of Western poison in you, you sweat it off when walking.
So, you want to hope for coconut water vendor every 3 km (2 miles), or milk or lassi. Western sewage water is not too good for you.
Your groins may ache a little, but this can be cured by exercise when you have finished your trip.
You should not worry about money. Lord Vishnu has that under control. 2 months back Icici bank stole Rs 20 lakhs from
My account. Last 2 days I withdraw Rs 145,000, but their computers with intelligence even less than cockroach
think I withdrew Rs 95,000.
But, all their numbers add up to Rs 0.01
They even keep your personal pin number on file so it is easy for top brass to withdraw money from your account.
Anyways, first thing you do when you get to your 5 star hotel is to thoroughly wash your feet as is customary in India.
Then lie on back and manipulate feet, not toes, as yesterday. Feet not as bad as yesterday.
Then, about 2 hours later, you feel faint. Poison getting to your brain.
One approach is to see whether local doctor will do brain surgery and remove brain and poison.
Another if you have not surrendered to Him is to say 'I am real sorry to trouble you,
but is there anything you could do to help my brain, I would really appreciate it
and will give you $1million, if ever I get this sum. I know you only appreciate cash.'
Or, if you have surrendered to Him you could say 'you wanker, how could you do this to Me, if ever I fall in love with you, I will cut your balls off.'
Anyway these 3 approaches all solve the problem and about 5 seconds later you feel better.
Next, 5 minutes later, you get sharp pain in right lung, some people a little pain, some a little more
Not too serious because you have two lungs.
So this time you think to your self, 'fuck. I do not care about right lung pain, I will wait and see
if poison penetrates left lung and then figure out what to do. Hopefully this will not happen and I can
visit Delhi soon, I am dying for a cup of tea (chai)'
Well, this article is nearly finished. Day 3, for example you might decide whether you wish to be grateful
about right eye vision, or bowel function or whatever.
Day 4 might be whether you like cockroaches or lions or your right foot.
And somehow you manage to reach Delhi in record time, 20 days, maybe you were running?
And when you quickly reach Delhi you may say 'I really love this place, I am going to murder all under one year
olds and redouble my efforts at being evil.'
So, in the morning of day 3, you start off washing your feet. Then you lie down and it is safe to wiggle
your toes, big toe forwards as much as possible, then little toe side, then scrunch your toes, then stretch them.
To be able to do this for sometime, bend your legs over your tummy and wrap your arms under your thighs
but over your thighs. Also your body feels itchy so you scratch.
Because you have walked so much, about 4 hours, your health has declined, in part because of the stress
on the brain. So, eg when you scratch, a litle blood may appear.
Today is NOT arm off day, NOT run over by car day, it is cockroach day.
You will have gathered I am doing the walking etc.with you, but not going to Delhi, just to ickyicky bank and back, 9 km.
I asked for special dispensation not to have cockroaches. So you need to sort out whether you deserve, want etc. them
For example you might pledge:'I promise not to wank 2 year old girls, or only on Tuesdays'..
and see whether one of them goes away.
Day 3 walking was not too bad, sometimes your step was light, sometimes your thighs felt heavy.
From now on when your legs feel heavy, you should take a break.
When you get to your hotel, you should wash your feet and soon shower your legs.
Today a lot of poison left into your thighs and groin area.
Then wash your panties and T Shirt, put one end of the T-Shirt between your now clean legs, the other end under the tap,
keep your legs bent. Then the T-Shirt does not touch the floor.
Then go to big loo. Fill a bucket and fill a small jug with water. When you have excreted, then squat and take
out as much shit from your bowels as you can, after each scoop, wash your right hand with water from the jug.
Obviously, clean your bottom and toilet seat both before and after using the toilet.
As you become healthier, you sweat less after going to lavatory and also the shit comes out cleanly, leaving no mess inside you.
Then shower yourself properly, first the legs and anal area to get travelling bugs off of you, then the upper body
Now lie down and sleep.
After your nap, lie on your back, and ask Lord Vishnu for forgiveness for any hurt you have given Him.
You mean it and you will get one, maybe several orgasms as a reward, your tummy will go up and down.
If you are not sensitive, you may not notice much else, but your soul will. Say thank you.
Then bend your right knee up, bring your foot in towards your bottom and 3 times let your knee fall to right side.
Then do left. A few more orgasms. You cry a little in gratitude. Someone who loves you is looking after you.
Then bend right leg again and 3 times kick it up towards the ceiling. Then left.At the highest point, try and straighten the leg.
Then lie down, bring legs together, lift the feet up slightly and kick your legs far apart to either side and bring back together.
3 times. The ill effects of walking on your sexuality have been removed.
Now lie back and relax completely, lie still. Keep your mind relaxed. Then, poke your tongue out and say an obscene word like
'fuck', or 'arse', or 'penis'. Make sure you do not smile. Then until day 4 practice not smiling.
If you cannot manage at any time, just poke your tongue out and think of another rude word.
The walk was not too bad, better than previous days.
When you get to your hotel, wash your feet. Did you notice how slimey your chappels were?
Lots of poison coming out of your feet. The whole bathroom floor is slimey now.
Wash your Tshirt. Notice yesterday how you turned it inside out, then outside in and it was still inside out?
Today no such tragedy. Wash your panties.
Then to recover from walking, bend right knee, kick up. 3 times, then left.
Then lie (as usual) and kick your legs wide apart and back 3 times. Legs just above the bed.
Then again lie, then sit up, lie back, etc. 6 times. If cannot manage, sit, then lie back and quickly sit up.
Now take 250 ml (0.5 pounds) of milk or youghurt, and pour half on your right chappel (sandal), over the loo pan.
Then rest of milk/yoghurt over left chappel, over loo pan.
Leave the chappels on the floor in the bathroom to soak in the remaining milk/youghurt.
Then take another 250 ml of eg yoghurt, leave the tap running and rub a scoop full of yoghurt into your scalp.
Then face, side head, back head, neck, shoulders, under arms, arms, top back, lower back, penis or vagina,
anus area, front thigh, outer thigh, inner thigh, back thigh, shin, calf. Each a little handful of yoghurt.
Then raise right toes and rub milk or yoghurt onto foot including between toes, under toes.
Then raise heel and do heel area. Then do ankles.
Then wash/shower the walls and all surface areas of your bathroom. Flush loo. Pour water on it.
Then water on floor in your bedroom.
Then shower yourself, rubbing off all the milk, yoghurt.
Then rinse off yoghurt from right chappel, then left, keep near hotel door.
Then take bucket of water and flood bathroom floor.
Then wash your feet carefully.
One of the many nice things about Icici bank is that when you go to a branch,
there is no (zero, nil, 0) charge for the paper on which your bank statement is printed on.
Can you beleve that? It is that valuable. You can even use it as toilet paper, much cheaper.
"NEVER SHARE your Card number, CVV, PIN, OTP, Internet Banking User ID, Password or
URN with anyone, even if the caller claims to be a bank employee.
Sharing these details can lead to unauthorised access to your account.".
The trouble is if you do not share (on tel ..) then they keep all your money.
So always better to tell them anything they want to know, take whatever cash they give you, and then run.
Anyway, they stole another Rs 70,000 from My account, last 2 days. I know (not personally)
the man who did it - phone, address, id, email,..Singh. Delhi. But the thing is
he cannot remember all pins, ac numbers of customer accounts.
There are computer geeks who assist. Why icici cannot employee honest Indians
rather than British I do not know.
Good days and horrible horrible days
I wake up good and hard and happy.
And I decide to withdraw My last Rupee from Icici icky bank if it kills Me.
It is a straight 4 km or so walk. I feel good so I walk along at the usual pace for a 95 year old gentleman, a little over 0,06 km per hour.
Luckily for Me I listen to My Lord and somehow this stupid idiot gets Me lost.
So I ask several people and they all say I am in Kerala which is good to know because
I only listen to google who with their expert spy device think I am in Chennai every
alternate hour and in Sri Sri Sri Mother country every other hour.
Anyway I get hungry after My long journey going to and fro on a straight road, so I think today I am going to be adventuresome and try out natives food. I think it is skinned lizard. Natives call it 'masala dosa'.
Natives never touch the stuff let alone eat it, they go for pizza.
Now normally, i feel sick on pretty much anything, women, babies, chocolate is the absolute worst.
Skinned lizard though is to be highly recommended if you want gut wrenching early death in max 10 minutes.
So, I have bright idea, why not ask Mrs Donald Strumpet what to do. She says try coconut water.
With much effort local tribes person climbs coconut tree and eventually I get coconutted.
Less water in it than comes out of a rabbit's eye when it is happy and taste like from other end.
Luckily for Me I see chair. So I go in to sit down and it is chicken slaughterhouse.
I go to bus stand to see if I can get bus for last 1 minute of My journey to bank which as I said was nearly going to kill Me.
Obviously no bus. So I wave down rickshaw, who wants Rs 200 for 4 km journey when it should only be Rs 199.
So I walk. And then I think, oh My gosh, I promised My Lord I would love a/some women.
I cannot die yet. Wait till they love Me and then do it.
And then I feel better, much happier, at the thought of death do us part, and I start crawling at closer to My normal speed.
When the tough get going the going gets tougher.
Actually the real American expression is when the going gets tough the tough get going and then they quit and then they are gone.
And the English correctly believe that it can only get worse.
And the Indian KNOWS he is in for deep shit but that if He has faith in God and does right somehow He will pull through maybe legless but happy in it, the middle lower hole.
icici bank steals another Rs 10 from My account. About Rs 170 left.
After your walk, you apply milk or yoghurt to yiur whole body and footwear, then shower.
Today you have reached Delhi/ your capital city/second city. Maybe you do not recognize it.
So, now you next 6 days, you go back and go back to your homes.
Anyways, every day, your heart will lift a little as you walk with the (only) one who loves you.
Today I was feeling not too good because My wife died. I did 12 km.
Then 2.5 hours exercise which made Me feel a touch better.
Today I was not feeling absolute perfect, also poison seeping into My brain. I did 5 km and came back
and had milk shower, there was so much poison coming off of Me. icici takes another Rs 10.
And last 2 days My Lord has been messing with My heart in kind of quite a few ways.
Like He says to Me, He does not mind what I do. Or He takes Me to website for a video for you all
and does not allow Me to download it.
So, My heart is messed up. And that means that water comes out of Me like I am a woman in love.
And that is good for poison in the eyes.And that means that I think maybe I upset Him with My tears.
Which means that more tears come to My eyes. And also that I know I have not upset Him.
Which brings relief to My heart, as it happens at the time when tears are no longer necessary.
And of course, He could have sorted My eyes in .01 seconds. So He did this for you.
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