The Loving Heart Centre

To return to the home page click here

Living in India: the TRUTH

and (almost) nothing but the truth I swear to God.
In My life, I have mostly lived in England (London and Cambridge), Ukraine (Kiev), Sweden (Stockholm), India (Mumbai, Bangalore and Kerala), a little in USA (California etc.). But, I have travelled extensively, lots of places in the world and India.
They all have their nice attributes, some not so good.
India, I have been to about 30 times and I know about it.
1. SEX
The first thing to know if you are a woman is that sex is freely available. Indeed you can even get it free.
Instead of going to local coconut vendor who will charge about Rs 25-45 per nut,
you find long hard one, open your legs and climb and climb and climb and eventually you will reach
and then you can suck wetness out as much as you want for free.
You need to be able to grip the tree hard in between your legs, which is why so many of the exercises in this website are useful for you.
The flesh of a coconut incidentally is no longer good for you, only the wetness is drinkable.
2. ACCOMODATION
Secondly, for man and also woman, hotel accomodation is free, if you so wish it.
You go to any hotel and insist on paying cash.
If you are woman, obviously you can get room and service for free.
But in any case, hotel receptionist will take your cash and put it in her blouse or bra or panty. The hotel owner will never see 1 rupee of your 'honestly' acquired cash.
So next time cash is demanded you say I would like to discuss with manager.
And with manager you say you want to discuss with owner.
Staff do not like it if you tell owner that they are stealing from him.
Of course, you should pay eg for electricity, water usage, linen rental, about Rs 13 per day,
or if AC room, another Rs 20 per day. For labour costs, about Rs 30 per hour if they provide any service
which usually of course they do not. Breakfast, they should pay you compensation for food poisoning.
The actual cost of renting 20 sq metres of space in India for 1 night is not very high.
If you gave hotel owner Rs 400 per night for everything he would be stealing from you, unless he threw in his wife.
3. RESTAURANT MEALS
Go into any Indian restaurant and explain to them that you want a meal, but you do not like salt/chilli/spices/sugar/water/cooking pots.
Waiter will understand you, so you need to repeat16 times, with words in appropriate combination
like 'not, no, nil, zero, nothing, no, no, no' and 'chilli, chilli, spicy, spicy, hot, hot...'
So, he brings you meal cooked in a pot, or with salt in it.
He brings American size meal, so you have your fill, eat the 3.5 chillis he put in it deliberately
leave the 0.5 chilli you do not want
and go to front till, open your mouth, wave your fingers in front of your mouth, gasp and say 'chilli' 'I asked for no salt' 'I will not pay'.
Free meal.
The actual cost plus reasonable profit for a meal is about Rs 70 per person, plus of course a glass of water
to finally kill you off at Rs 1 per glass labour costs including rental of glass for 1 hour.
A reasonable tip if you get great service (very very usual to get this in India) is Rs 5
which is good money in India.

4. DEBIT AND CREDIT CARDS
These are a no-no.
Restaurant or hotel or shop can easily just ask your bank for your pin, when they have your card number.
5. BANK ACCOUNTS
Specific authorised senior officials can easily withdraw money from your account, local branch
staff are so nice they will inform head office of withdrawals over Rs 1000 ($15).
6. LOCAL POPULATION ETHICAL STANDARDS
These are fully up to Best British standards, except
a. Indians have a heart
b. they do not like killing you
c. the women do not like being unfaithful
7. ROAD TRAFFIC ACTS
There is no code. You can go left or right or whatever you wish.You do not need to look at road
signs, I think they are in Japanese.
When walking in middle of road, you have very good chance of not being hit, because of 6.b. above.
Similarly, you are reasonably likely not to be hit if you walk on the side in the gutter.
Nowadays, ALL road drivers believe they are in a race to get eg to Delhi.
They wish to travel at about 1978561 miles per hour (also same km per hour) but cannot because
they use Japanese cars and cannot afford to service them, nor their wives who need gold.
Nowadays about 97.83617% of Indians drink alcohol.
The figure is a little higher amongst truck, lorry, taxi, car and motor cyclists.
They prefer to drink before going on a road journey so that they do not notice the bumps or other
drivers going the other way.
Distances are far in India so drivers like to take little short naps en route.
They also like to overtake other vehicles, particularly approaching ones, but very wisely keep
their eyes shut in deep prayer to their favourite deity usually Jesus Christ, sometimes Allah, very occassionally Siva or Krishna.
You will be very surprised to know that 'accident' rates on 'Indian' 'roads' are fully up to best world standards
8. CROSSING THE ROAD
In the old days, even 12 years ago, Indians crossed the road. It was simple.
Nowadays, they are British. They are afraid of cars! Even babies scare them.
They will sit by the road side (in the gutter), wee, think, pee, think again and then give up.
9. WEATHER
In the old days, Indians liked sunshine and they liked rain. They prayed to SURYA sun god, and they prayed for rain.
Mostly Indra, sometimes Varuna.
Nowadays they are hot and bothered with ANY sunshine and hate even 2 drops of rain on their head.
They prefer the cool refreshing atmosphere of beer parlours.

To return to the home page click here

web
stats