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Best Holidays in the World

Although I jest a little sometimes below, these are all really nice holidays, the genuine best in the world.

For an actual list of the best beaches, please click on Best Nudist Beaches in the World
For full information about boat trips in Kerala click on: Kerala Houseboats: Lovely trips around the backwaters

The holidays below were selected on the basis of

1. Nice weather 2. Scenic routes 3. Good prices (Bahamas is currently like horrible, but this will change) 4. Good (fresh, not too much chemical additives etc.) food 5. Not too many people 6. Obviously lovely actual venue 7. Zero aggravation from rude people etc. 8. Low pollution, sometimes you can even see some stars in the night sky 9. No drunkeness 10. No Chinese 'people' 11. Little crime 12. No hussle and bustle 13. Little concrete, cars etc. 14. No loud music at night to disturb your love making 15. No barbeque smells to offend vegetarian nostrils. Here is a list of the holidays, then I give some holiday tips and then I set out the actual itinerary etc. for each holiday.

1 Half day beach trip in Kerala, popularly and accurately known as 'God's own country', 140 km.
(However, you should avoid coming to Kerala from 25/9/17 until further notice because Mr Modi has put cyanide in the water and milk supply).
2 Half day picnic in God's own country, 125 km
3 One to two day houseboat trip in God's own country, 270 km
4 Two to Three day holiday in God's own country, 600 km
5 Three or four day holiday in God's own country, 600 km or 990 km
6 Delhi, capital of India under the British 1911-2017: 4-5 day holiday, 470 km
7 Goa: Hippy capital of India 5 day holiday 500 km
8 Gujarat, trading capital of India, 10 day holiday 2500 km
9 Punjab to Himalaya, layabout capital of India, 7 day holiday 1800 km
10 Jammu and Kashmir, Srinagar, little 'Mecca' 2 day holiday 50 km
11 Jharkhand, original centre of Bengal, two day holiday 200 km
12 Fiji: Protestant capital of India, 6 day holiday 100 km
13 The Bahamas, old capital of the African slave trade, 6 day holiday 200 km
14 Bangalore and Tamil Nadu, original God's own country, 5 day holiday 1250 km
15 Maharashtra, former $ capital of India 8 day holiday 2000 km
16 Meghalaya i.e. Assam Bangladesh muslim hot spot, 3 day holiday 420 km
17 Odisha (i.e. Orissa) 28 day pole dancing holiday 300 km

The costs stated below are for September 2017, they are all coming down dramatically, see Cost of living around the Worldfor the new price levels.

For most of these holidays, it is best to hire a car with driver, eg in Amedhabad from http://www.divyatravels.in/
(tel Mr Bhautik, 09510035787, +91-9824562381, or +91-9377524172) or info@divyatravels.in or divyatravels@ymail.com.
In the rest of India I will be using https://www.savaari.com, +91 90 4545 0000, info@savaari.com.
Car plus driver rental from companies such as these is very competitive in India, costs work out at about Rs 11-12 (USD 0.18) per km in total
I show the approximate number of kilometres for each holiday below, so you can calculate costs if you wish.
Obviously, it is cheaper if you hire a small car and if you return the car before midnight rather than the next day.
In the following, I assume a starting point of where I used to live, Light House Road, Kerala.

The hotels I have selected are mostly 3 star, about Rs 2000 - 3000 ($40) per night for a simple double room for a couple,
obviously a lot more in the Bahamas.(much much less now/soon)
By searching on the web 'hotel Mumbai Sahar', for example you will easily be able to find hotels at half the price, or double..
When you contact the hotel, you may ask about free shuttle service to and from airport, in case you wish to return the car the previous night.
My food, mainly milk and 'Lonavla' chikki (a sweet, sugar and nuts, famous in Lonavla but available all over India), costs Me about
Rs 200 ($3) per day. However, a meal for one at one of the Indian hotels I have selected might cost about Rs 300 ($5).
Mostly breakfast is free.
If you need a taxi or rickshaw, they have a tarriff, but you should pay a little more, eg bargain down to Rs 400 or Rs 500
for a 30 minute (15 - 20 km) taxi ride and Rs 200 or so for a 30 minute (15 - 20 km) rickshaw ride, and a miniumum fare of Rs 100 for a taxi,
Rs 50 for a rickshaw. Ask them how long and how far and then bargain and then do the journey.
I have included the Indian 'Pin' or zip codes below so that it is easy for you or your driver to enter it into Google maps
or a navigation system and then readily find his way, without getting lost.
You should install onto your/his smart phone an 'app', from the 'App Store' on your phone, called 'Google Maps Navigation', 'Google Maps Offline' and 'Google Translate' when your phone is near or has wifi
Then download the relevant dictionary (eg 'Hindi' if your driver speaks Hindi) onto your phone so that translate is available
even if you do not have access to the internet when you are travelling.
But, mostly people are not too bad with English.

Google Maps' will ask you whether it can access your location when you are not using it. The answer is no. You also do not need to sign in.
Google Maps Offline has 391 maps you can download, so you need to be selective; better to get a mobile package with wifi included
so you can use the regular Google maps wherever you are. You need a package with 1 GB of data allowance per month.
If you do not know how to do these things ask a 4 - year old or go to a mobile shop.

You do not need vaccines, insurance or anything else. Tap water is better than bottled water.
When in India you should if possible avoid Indian, Chinese, American and other food. These are not good for you.

When is a good time to go on these holidays?
The monsoon season is usually June - November down South eg Kerala, and July - August in the North, eg Delhi.
But, all that happens is that you get wet if you do not wear a raincoat and do not stay in the car or hotel.
The temperature down South in Kerala is about 28 degrees all year round, contrary to popular (tourist) opinion the sea teperature
is also good all year round, about 27 - 30 degrees. Quite a bit cooler on the high ground.
April/May Delhi is typically 33 degrees but can get like hot.
Delhi cold is eg 13 degrees in January. No problems if you wish to wear clothes.
Himalaya mountains eg nice on side of mountain exposed to sun, snow and ice sometimes on other side when in shade. A little cooler than Delhi.
Bahamas/Fiji: horrible weather all year round.

Some places have "houseboats", boats that float around on the backwaters doing nothing much, no customers etc. because the per hour cost
used to be the same as that for buying a Bungalow in the best part of Mumbai which a few years ago was the most expensive city in the whole world for property.
Getting information from them about things like 'where are you located',
'when do you leave land', 'how long is your trip' 'what is your phone number',
is your name Fred or is it Jack', 'how much do you charge' is not as easy as getting
blood out of a stone.

The trouble is that mostly they do not reply/know etc. and so they guess and lie and in the second letter they guess and lie the opposite.

Indians these days are completely completely stupid.
With stone and blood, all you do is press and squeeze and squeeze and eventually you hope it comes out.

With Indians, you press and squeeze and they slip out of your hand, so you KNOW it will never come out.

Anyways, you probably think I am exaggerating or not telling the truth about their 'answers' of
'we only have one trip per day' ' and we have two trips per day' and 'it is a 3 hour trip' and 'it can be 1 hour or 9 hours'..

I am NOT exaggerating about the abilities of Indians and am NOT fibbing.

I feel a desparate urge to inflict the pain I have with dealing with Indians on you the reader.

So, I do two things:

1. I summarize the old facts, in "the truth about houseboats in India" at the end of this article, and
2. I copy what (3 of 11) houseboat OWNERS and KEY MANAGERS said to Me in their emails which of course were sent VERY VERY soon
after My requests for the basic information not available on their websites. The rest did not bother to reply.
3. For full information, see Kerala Houseboats: Lovely trips around the backwaters

.

The HOLIDAYS, 1 - 17:

1 Half day beach trip in Kerala, popularly and accurately known as 'God's own country', 140 km
1.1 Taxi or rickshaw.
1.2 Kappil Beach, 2 hours to get to this nice beach.
1.3 PIN code 695311, in district Kollam (was Quilon or Venad).
1.4 Kerala became known as God's own country in 1984, after I first visited it.

2 Half day picnic in God's own country, 125 km
2.1 Taxi or rickshaw.
2.2 Go to Kappil Lake, 4 km from Varkala (Papanasam) Beach, 1.75 hours drive from Light House Road.
2.3 PIN code 695141, still in Thiruvananthapuram (was Trivandrum) district.

3 One to two day houseboat trip in God's own country, 270 km
3.1 Hire driver.
3.2 Lunch at Hotel Sea Palace, 0474 274 8244,Kochupilamoodu Road, Kollam
3.3 (info@seapalace.info), 2.25 hours from Light House Road.
3.4 PIN code 691001, in district Kollam (was Quilon or Venad).
3.5 Then proceed to Alappuzha (Alleppey) (3.75 hours from Light House Road) and visit Boat House, Nehru Trophy Boat Race, Finishing Point
3.6 and get on a houseboat.

4 Two to Three day holiday in God's own country, 600 km
4.1 Hire driver.
4.2 Hotel Sea Palace, 0474 274 8244,Kochupilamoodu Road, Kollam (2.25 hour trip) Lunch, PIN: 691001
4.3 (info@seapalace.info)
4.4 Then proceed to Kumarakom Lake, Kottayam. (It is 5.5 hours away). Visit Pathiramanal island, the lake.
4.5 Have tea by the lake, for example. The pin code is 686563.
4.6 Avoid the backwaters, even houseboats on the lake are not perfetct.
4.7 Then go to Thrissur (Trichur). It is 8.25 hours from Light House Road. It has the Vilangan Hills, the Chavakkad Beach,
4.8 Chettuva Backwater (avoid), and also Snehatheeram Beach.
4.9 All nice places. Stay overnight and go walking/picnicking/beach the next day, then return or stay 2 days.
4.10 The pin code for the driver is 680567.
5 Three or four day holiday in God's own country, 600 km or 990 km
5.1 Hire driver.
5.2 Hotel Sea Palace, 0474 274 8244,Kochupilamoodu Road, Kollam (2.25 hour trip) Lunch, PIN: 691001
5.3 Then proceed to Kumarakom Lake, Kottayam. (It is 5.5 hours away). Visit Pathiramanal island, the lake, or houseboat on it.
5.4 Have tea by the lake, for example. The pin code is 686563.
5.5 Then go to Thrissur (Trichur). It is 8.25 hours from Light House Road. It has the Vilangan Hills, the Chavakkad Beach,
5.6 and also Snehatheeram Beach.
5.7 Houseboat: It is a genuine backwater cruise which maybe if you are a frog you will enjoy.
contact Kayaloram House Boats, kayyaloram@gmail.com,
5.8 All nice places. Stay overnight and go walking/picnicking/beach the next day, then return or stay 2 days.
5.9 The pin code for the driver is 680567.
5.10 - .11 [censored] 5.12 Then you can proceed to Kannur (13.75 hours). Muzhappilangad beach, Green Island, Wildlife Sanctuary.
5.13 The drive in beach is very convenient, nice walks, stay overnight. Pin is 670662.
5.14 Have a late lunch at the restaurant of Gurubhavan Hotel, Munnar Colony Rd, Silent Valley, West of Mattupetty
5.15 (+(91)-4865-231184, +(91)-9497231184). The pin code is 685612.
5.16 Stay as long as you want and then return via
5.17 Kumily, Vagamon (6.25 hours from Light House Road). Grassy hills, pine forests. Thangal Hill.
5.18 Take a walk in Thangan hill. Pin 685509
5.19 Stay overnight at Hotel Aida, (0481 256 8390), address: Aida Junction, Main Central Road, Kottayam. Pin: 686601.
5.20 hotelaidaktm@gmail.com,
5.21 It has nice beach. Then go to:
5.22 Kollam (Quilon) Beach (2.5 hours from Light House Road). There are attractions: Ashtamudi Lake, Kayal Pradakshina Cruise.
5.23 Return home.

6 Delhi, capital of India under the British 1911-2017: 4-5 day holiday, 470 km
6.1 Indira Gandhi International Airport.
6.2 1-2 days relax in Delhi:
6.3 Hotel Southern (2 nights), Delhi, karol bhag, 18/2, Arya Samaj Rd, Block 18, WEA, Karol Bagh, New Delhi 011 4353 2824
6.4 info@hotelsouthern.com, southerntravelsindia@vsnl.com,
6.5 Hire driver. Day trip to Agra
6.6 day trip to Vrindavan
6.7 day trip to monuments of Delhi
6.8 Indira Gandhi International Airport
6.9 The first part of India to be happy with British rule was Bengal, but from about 1805 they ruled from Delhi

7 Goa: Hippy capital of India 5 day holiday 500 km
7.1 Goa International Airport,Airport Rd, Dabolim, Goa 403801,
7.2 Hire driver.
7.3 Jungle Book / Jungle Cafe, 098221 21441, 098221 21431,Waterfalls Road,Kulem,South Goa, 403410
7.4 info@goaecotourism.com,
7.5 Dudhsagar falls or Sea of Milk. From the Mandovi river, in the Bhagwan Mahavir Wild Life Sanctuary on the border of Goa and Karnataka.
Sonaulim, South Goa 403410
7.6 Obviously, people go to Goa for the beaches. It is best not to stay at hotels near the beach.
7.7 Rest of time enjoy these beaches.
7.8 The best beaches are: Patnem (South), Agonda (South) and Anjuna (North).
7.9 Who owns these best beaches in the world? Indians? No. Until 2017 were they allowed entry? No.

8 Gujarat, trading capital of India, 10 day holiday 2500 km
8.1 Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel International Airport, Hansol, Ahmedabad, 380003
8.2 Hire driver and car.
8.3 Itinerary is ahmedabad 380003- dasada 382750- surendranagar 363002- rajkot, diu, rajkot, mandhvi- bhuj-kutch 370421;
8.4 then kutch- bhuj- mehsana 384001-ahmedabad.
8.5 Hotel: Hotel Bait Inn, 1 night, nr The Times of India, Opp. Bhavani Chambers, Across Riverfront, Ashram Road, Ahmedabad, 9537072400, 079-26589066
8.6 info@hotelbaitinn.com,
8.7 Ahmedabad: visit Parimal Garden
8.8 Dasada: visit Ghudkhar Sanctuary
8.9 Hotel: Rann Riders, 02757 280 257, +91 79 26302019 / 26308031, SH 18, Dasada, Surendranagar (District), 382750,
8.10 reservations@rannriders.com, rann-riders@usa.net,
8.11 Surendranagar: visit Chotila Rotary Garden, and Dholidhaja Dam
8.12 Hotel: President Hotel, 02752 291 255/229999, Opp. Milan Cinema, Main Road, 363002,
8.13 presidenthotel_snr@yahoo.com,
8.14 Rajkot: visit Lal Pari Lake and Randerda, a picturesque picnic spot, situated about 5 kms. from Rajkot.
8.15 Hotel:The Evergrand Palace,0281 248 2500, Limbda Chowk, Subhash Road, Rajkot, 360001
8.16 evergrandpalace@gmail.com,
8.17 Diu: 6km to Sasan Gir Forest. lions!
8.18 Hotel Cidade de Diu (1 night), Behind Hotel Samrat, Near Vegetable Market, Diu, Daman and Diu 362520
8.19 02875 254 443, 252002. M.: +91-9624033181, +91-7285803088
8.20 hotel_cidadedediu@yahoo.com
8.21 Rajkot: visit Jubilee Garden
8.22 Hotel: The Evergrand Palace,0281 248 2500, Limbda Chowk, Subhash Road, Rajkot, 360001
8.23 evergrandpalace@gmail.com,
8.24 Mandhvi visit Beach, Mandhvi Rural, (370465)
8.25 Hotel: Hotel Sea View,Jain Dharmshala Rd, Swamiji Sheri, Mandvi. Kutch, 370465.
8.26 +91.98253 76063, +91.2834.224481
8.27 info@hotelseaviewmandvi.com,
8.28 Bhuj: visit Hamirsar Lake, Hill Garden
8.29 KUTCH: visit Nature,Wildlife,Lakes, Bhuj
8.30 Hotel:Fern Residency Mundra, 02838 675 000, +91 22 39178077,Plot No. 1, 2 & 10, RS No. 199/P, Singapore City,
8.31 Dhrub Road, Nana Kapaya, Mundra, 370421
8.32 Crs@Fernhotels.com,
8.33 Then return to Bhuj
8.34 Mehsana: visit Ucharpi village and see Lake of Ucharpi, Khari River, Taranga Hills
8.35 Hotel: Hotel Sunshine, 02762 246 293, Nagalpur Highway, Mehsana Ho, Near Jyoti Petrol Pump, Mehsana, 384001
8.36 (close to Mehsana (Bus Boarding Point) 2.0km, and Wide Angle Multiplex 2.0kms)

8.37 hotelsunshinemehsana@gmail.com,
8.38 Ahmedabad: Visit Thol Lake
8.39 Hotel: Hotel Vibrant Residency, Behind Drive-In Cinema, Near Goyal Intercity & Vaibhav Laxmi Temple, Thaltej, 380052
8.40 079 2743 0033,
8.41 hotelvibrantresidency@gmail.com,
8.42 Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel International Airport, Hansol, Ahmedabad, Gujarat 380003
8.43 Gujarat is where the Brahmin buddhists settled, before being butchered by the Muslims invaders in the 12th century.
8.44 Since about 1200 BC, these Buddhists focussed on trade and world trade until 1200 AD was largely conducted out of Gujarat,
8.45 until taken over by Muslims and then the British, until 2017.

9 Punjab (actually Chandigarh) to Himalaya, layabout capital of India, 7 day holiday 1800 km
9.1 Indira Gandhi International Airport, New Delhi, Delhi, stay at
9.2 Hotel Southern (1 night), Delhi, karol bha
9.3 Arya Samaj Rd, Block 18, WEA, Karol Bagh, New Delhi '+(91)+(11)+41450200, +(91)+(11)+43532828, 28754210, 43532824
9.4 info@hotelsouthern.com, southerntravelsindia@vsnl.com,
9.5 Fly to Chandigarh International Airport, New Civil Air Terminal, Mohali District, Sahibzada Ajit Singh Nagar, Punjab 140306,Hire driver.
9.6 Go to Manali. It is a long 8.5 hr but nice drive into the Himalayas
9.7 Hotel Himgiri Manali (1 night), The Mall, Near Telephone Exchange, Distt. Kullu, Manali, Himachal Pradesh 175131, 01902 252 425, +91 98 1608 3161
9.8 himgirimanali@gmail.com, info@hotelhimgirimanali.in,
9.9 Drive from Manali – Rohtang Pass – Kunzum La – Losar – Kaza, 5 hours.
9.10 3 nights at Hotel Deyzor, Kaza: Behind BSNL Office, Kaza, Himachal Pradesh 172114, 094184 02660
9.11 karanbir@hotmail.com,
9.12 Drive from Kaza – Langza – Hikkim – Komik – Ki Monastery – Kibber – Gette – Kaza. Overnight in this Kaza hotel.
9.13 Drive from Kaza to Pin Valley – Kungri – Mudh – Kaza. Overnight in this Kaza Hotel.
9.14 Drive back to Manali crossing over Rohtang pass.
9.15 Overnight stay in (same) Manali hotel:
9.16 Hotel Himgiri Manali (1 night) The Mall, Near Telephone Exchange, Distt. Kullu, Manali, Himachal Pradesh 175131
9.17 01902 252 425, +91 98 1608 3161
9.18 himgirimanali@gmail.com, info@hotelhimgirimanali.in,
9.19 Drive back to Chandigarh airport 140306, and catch flight to Delhi or wherever, or stay 1 night at:
9.20 Lemon Tree Hotel,0172 442 3232, 3, MW Area, Industrial Area Phase I, Industrial Area, Chandigarh 160002
9.21 hi@lemontreehotels.com,
9.22 Capitol Complex Tourist Centre, Sector 1, Chandigarh, 160001 is nice to visit because of lake 25 min by car.
9.23 Google Maps does not work well in Himalaya, and no one else does either, but https://www.google.co.in/webhp (Google search) is not bad

10 Jammu and Kashmir, Srinagar, little 'Mecca' 2 day holiday 50 km
10.1 Dal is a lake in Srinagar, the summer capital of Jammu and Kashmir
10.2 Srinagar International Airport, Indragandhi Road, Humhama, Badgam, Srinagar, Jammu and Kashmir 190007. 20 min to:
10.3 Welcome Hotel (2 or 3 nights), (pin 19001) Boulevard Road, Opp. Shikara Ghat No. 7, Dalgate, Srinagar: 072984 37186
10.4 info@welcomehotelsgr.com,
10.5 S part of Dal lake is 5 min walk hotel, with gardens, parks, houseboats and hotels.
10.6 Visit Shalimar Bagh (191121 and 190025), Shalimar, Rainawari (Mughal gardens), 15 min away.
10.7 Separate trip, visit Nishat Garden, Nishat Bagh, 190001, 15 min away.
10.8 Separate trip, visit the small Nigeen Lake (Nageen, pin 190006)
10.9 Bribe a local shikara (small wooden boat) owner to take you on a relaxing trip on the Nigeen lake, eg Rs 400 for 30 minutes trip.
10.10 To get around, best is to take the phone numbers of 2 rickshaw drivers, and phone them when you want to be picked up.
10.11 When they drop you at your destination, ask to be picked up from the same spot say 2 hours later.
10.12 A typical 15 minute journey should cost about Rs 90, but bargain with them and settle at Rs 150.
10.13 Originally Buddhist, the peoples of Srinigar were 'persuaded' to become Muslim barbarians in the 13th centuary AD.

11 Jharkhand, original centre of Bengal, two day holiday 200 km
11.1 Sonari Airport Area, Sonari, Jamshedpur, Jharkhand. 831011. Hire driver.
11.2 Ginger Hotel (2 nights): Plot no 678 & 1008, Opposite Voltas Building,, Bistupur Main Rd, Bistupur, Jamshedpur, Jharkhand 831001; 0657 666 3333
11.3 reservations.jamshedpu@gingerhotels.com
11.4 Visit Dimna Lake, Jharkhand 832105 is an artificial lake. 20 minutes away from central city. at the foot of the Dalma mountain ranges
11.5 “Bokaro is among the best places to visit in Jharkhand, known for widespread coal, steel industries and city life. “, http://travel-blog.waytoindia.com/top-10-places-to-visit-in-jharkhand.
11.6 “It is a famous picnic spot with the clear water and scenic surroundings.”
11.7 Google Maps does not work well in Jharkand, and no one else does either, but https://www.google.co.in/webhp (Google search) is not bad
11.8 Jharkand is where the original Kshatriya Buddhists settled in India, the men were all killed and the women were taken by the Muslims, later inter-marrying with Hindus.
11.9 According to official British statistics out of Delhi, 37% of people are below the poverty line, 27th out of 28 states, the worst being neighbouring Chhattisgarh.
11.10 www.tripadvisor.in says: “A Jain's life is incomplete without a visit to this holy place. .....
11.11 ...pilgrimage for jains and with lots of temples, religious library, meditation center in the area.”
11.12 If ALL the buddhists were slaughtered here, and their women raped, what will Lord Vishnu arrange for jains?
11.13 Anyone with a death wish is strongly advised to visit this Bengali holy place, and also Bangladesh

12 Fiji: Protestant capital of India, 6 day holiday 100 km
12.1 Arrive Vitu Levu, Nadi International Airport
12.2 Go to Taveuni Island, known as Fiji’s Garden of Eden, by flight
12.3 Taveuni has an airport at Matei, and you fly in from the main island of Viti Levu from Nadi International.
12.4 More than 80 percent of it is protected within the Bouma National Heritage Park, and it teems with rare orchids, prehistoric tree ferns,
12.5 tumbling waterfalls and natural water slides.
12.6 Maravu Taveuni Lodge, Main Coast Road, Matei
12.7 +679 888 0555
12.8 travellersfiji@gmail.com, bula@travellersfiji.com,
12.9 3 nights
12.10 Overwater it on Malolo
12.11 lagoon views at Likuliku Lagoon Resort, with overwater huts. Glass floors and counters let blues radiate throughout your living space at every turn.
12.12 Likuliku Lagoon Resort/Hamilton Lund, Malolo island, +679 666 3344
12.13 1 night
12.14 pa@likulikulagoon.com, dosm@ahuraresorts.com,
12.15 Matangi Island
12.16 Just north of Taveuni lies Matangi Private Island Resort, where thatched-roof bures built on stilts peek out from the leafy jungle canopy.
12.17 Horseshoe Bay, a scimitar of sand cupped inside the once-active crater. You can snorkel right off the beach.
12.18 Matangi Private Island Resort
12.19  '+ 679 8 880 260 / + 679 778 0061 (Matangi Island, Fiji)
12.20 info@matangiisland.com,
12.21 2 nights
12.22 back to nadi int airport: reverse of flight from Nadi to Taveuni island in the NE. Taveuni Island's Matei Airport is the closest airport to them.
12.23 They provide the car and boat transfers from Taveuni's Matei Airport
12.24 Fiji Link (domestic airline of Fiji Airways) services the Nadi/Taveuni/Nadi flights twice daily
12.25 From 1822 to 2017, population is manly Hindu, ruled by Protestant Christians

12.26 Getting around. If you are brave, do not mind rain, bumps, getting lost etc. use the buses. Otherwise taxi is about $1 per km but distances are not huge.
12.27 A typical 5 km trip might cost you $5, twice as expensive as India.
12.28 Get phone nos of two local taxis (ask hotel..) and get them to drop you and then pick you up from same place.

13 The Bahamas, old capital of the African slave trade, 6 day holiday 200 km
13.1 Arrive Nassau Airport, straightaway go to Atlantis Paradise Island
13.2 Atlantis - Harborside Resort
13.3 Paradise Beach Dr, Suite 16, Paradise Island,
13.4 Phone: +1 242-363-2000 ext. 67740
13.5 info@harborsideresorttimeshares.com, info@harborsideresort.com,
13.6 2 nights
13.7 Grand Bahama
13.8 The northernmost of the Bahamian islands
13.9 World's longest underwater cave systems, and nature-lovers can spot many native bird species in the three national parks.
13.10 Visit Lucaya
13.11 Grand Lucayan Resort, Grand Bahama Island, 1 Sea Horse Road Freeport
13.12 +1 242-373-1333
13.13 Anderson.Jean@grandlucayan.com,
13.14 2 nights
13.15 Elbow Cay
13.16 Visit the Tilloo Cay Reserve, an 11-acre bird habitat, are popular day trips. Hope Town also boasts a well-developed marina.
13.17 A ferry runs regularly to Elbow Cay from Marsh Harbour.
13.18 The Abaco Inn
13.19 Hope Town, Elbow Cay, The Bahamas – 1.800.468.8799 (toll free)
13.20 2 nights
13.21 http://www.abacoinn.com/availabilitybooking/
13.22 info@abacovacations.com,
13.23 nice taxi and ferry rides back to nassau airport
13.24 Mainly Africans from Africa live here>
13.25 Getting around. I suggest hugely expensive taxi, about $5 per km, ten times more expensive than India, eg $1000 for the trip.

14 Bangalore and Tamil Nadu, original God's own country, 5 day holiday 1250 km
14.1 Bangalore – Mysore: Kempegowda International Airport 560300
14.2 Ginger Hotel (1 night), Mysore, Nazarabad Mohalla, Near Nazarabad Police Station, Vasant Mahal Road, Opp Vasant Mahal, Mysuru, 570010
14.3 0821 663 3333
14.4 reservations.mysore@gingerhotels.com,
14.5 short distances to:
14.6 Chamundi Hill, Zoo. 570004; then next day:
14.7 Karanji Lake, Mysore, 570001, near these is bird sanctuary, boating, children's corner,
14.8 570001, near these is bird sanctuary, boating, children's corner, Timings :08.30 am to 05.30 pm except Tuesdays. 0821-2439862
14.9 2 nights Kabini River Lodge, 082282 64405, Karapura, Nissana Belthur Post, Kodagu, 571114
14.10 info@junglelodges.com,
14.11 Elephants, gaur, deer.. Located on S of Nagarahole National Park, Madikeri Road, Hunsur, 571250
14.12 Lunch. Safari Inn, 087222 26689,324/1, Next to Bee Cee Bar, Kembukolly,K.Badaga,Kutta Post,kodagu, 571250
14.13 Rajiv Gandhi National Park, Nagarhole Rd, Veeranahosahalli, 571105
14.14 Then 3.5 hour trip from Kabini River Lodge Karnataka, 571114 going South into Tamil Nadu, Ooty 643001.
14.15 Hotel Khems 2 nights, Ooty, Shoreham Palace Road, Off Ettines Road, Ooty, Tamil Nadu 643001, 0423 244 4188
14.16 info@hotelkhems.com,
14.17 Ooty lake and Botanical Garden.
14.18 Ooty Lake & Boat House, North Lake Road, West Mere, 643006, 0423 244 4053
14.19 Government Rose Garden, Ooty, Aravankadu, Nilgiris, NH-67, Nagapattinam Coimbatore Gundlupet Highway, 643001
14.20 Then Coonoor, 643102, 30 min away, visiting Sims Park, Dolphin Nose, a hill station in the Nilgiri hills.
14.21 Sim's Park, Attadi, Coonoor, 643101; Dolphin's Nose: 643103
14.22 Restaurant: La Belle Vie, 180° Mciver 1-4, Orange Grove Road, Near SIM's Park, Gray's Hill, Coonoor, 643101, 0423 223 3222
14.23 From Hotel Khems 643001 to Coimbatore International Airport 641014 just under 3 hours
14.24 For 50,000 years, this was the only place in the world where people were happy.

15 Maharashtra, former $ capital of India 8 day holiday 2000 km
15.1 Mumbai Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport. Sahar Road, Sahar, Andheri East, 400099. Hire driver.
15.2 15 minutes to 400059: FabHotel Midaas Comfort (1 night):
15.3 Basera 181/182, Shaheed Bhagat Singh Road, Near Chakala Metro Station, J.B. Nagar, Andheri East, 400059 9170 42424242 www.fabhotels.com
15.4 bookings@fabhotels.com,
15.5 2.5 hours to Lonavla Hotel (3 nights) Beside Maharastra State Transport Bus stand (Gawliwala, Rao Colony), Old Mumbai - Pune Hwy, Lonavala, Maharashtra 410401 02114 274 017
15.6 hotellonavla9@gmail.com
15.7 En route from Mumbai 400059 stop at Durshet 410206 (Panvel City).
15.8 Visit Rajmachi Point (Khandala),Duke’s Nose (Chavani, Kurvande 410402), separate trips from hotel.
15.9 From hotel, walk to Koraigad (Koarigad or Korigad, 410401), just South, (about 30 mins)
15.10 Check out of hotel and proceed to:
15.11 Pawna Lake (Shevati, 410406), and proceed to Visapur Fort (Malavli, also 410406).
15.12 Then go to and stay in Pune 1 night at Supreme Hotel, 020 4018 0000, +91-8007845000
15.13 Lane Number 10, Near Kalpataru Residency, Kalyaninagar 411014
15.14 Fom.pune@cypresssupreme.com,
15.15 In Pune, visit Osho Garden: 19, Gopal Rao Bevur Rd, Iricen Railway Colony, Koregaon Park, 411001
15.16 Food at Mauli Veg Restaurant, Sr.No,8 Near Poonam Petrol Pump, Mangdewadi, Katraj 411046, 020 6580 5050
15.17 Visit Mahableshwar 411014 to 412806, (4 hours), to: Hotel Gautam, Gautam Rd, Mahabaleshwar, 412806 02168 260 388
15.18 ramesh@hotelgautam.com,
15.19 In Mahableshwar, visit Parsi Point.
15.20 Then go to Ghera Rasalgad, Khed, Ratnagiri 415730, and return later to Supreme Hotel Pune 411014
15.21 Check out of hotel and en route back to Pune, visit Parsi Point, Ganeshpeth, Panchgani, Maharashtra 412805
15.22 3 hour trip back to Pune, stay again at Supreme Hotel 411014
15.23 Visit Katraj Snake Park Lake, Katraj, 411046
15.24 Then 3.5 hour trip from Pune 411014 back to Mumbai
15.25 to catch flight (400099) or stay again at FabHotel (400059) for 1 night.
15.26 If at FabHotel Midaas Comfort Basera 181/182, Shaheed Bhagat Singh Road, Near Chakala Metro Station, J.B. Nagar, Andheri East, Mumbai 400059 9170 42424242
15.27 your only bet for enjoyment is

15.28 The actual best holiday in the whole wide world is FabHotel Mumbai with (almost) any woman other than Mumbai woman.

16 Meghalaya i.e. Assam Bangladesh muslim hot spot, 3 day holiday 420 km
16.1 Wettest place on earth, high, and easy trip to Bangladesh, particularly welcoming for Hindus and Christians.
16.2 But, nice place if you have a raincoat and a woolen scarf or your own shovel, see below.
16.3 Go to Guwahati airport (“Lokpriya Gopinath Bordoloi International Airport, Borjhar, Guwahati, Assam 781015”)
16.4 Or, go to Shillong airport, capital of Assam.
16.5 and take taxi to Sohra (was “Cherrapunjee”), or shared sumo to Shillong Barabazar and then another to Sohra.
16.6 160 km, 4.25 hours total trip, Rs 4000 or so.
16.7 Suggest stay at Coniferous Resort, (3 nights) 085757 93713/+91-8575632009; +91-9436178164, Sohra, 793111
16.8 coniferousresort@gmail.com,
16.9 Visit: Nohkalikai waterfalls (about 30 mins North from hotel, on Sohra- Shella rd), and
16.10 Double Decker Living Root Bridge in Tyma village, 3 km from hotel
16.11 Thangkharang Park, 12 km, easy trip over to Bangladesh from here.
16.12 Dainthlen waterfalls 5 km
16.13 Khasi Monoliths. Now you may enquire, why do I want to see ancient burial grounds, a top tourist attraction here?
16.14 Authority on India, www.mapsofindia.com, for example says “One of them in particular, has beautiful intricate structure of interconnecting underground passages that lie beneath old caves.”
16.16 In 2014 Narendra Modi, threatened to expel all "illegal Bangladeshis" but made a distinction between Bengali Hindus and Muslims.
16.17 Modi remarked that "those who are forced to flee Bangladesh and are sons of mother India,
16.18 love the nation, worship (the Hindu goddess) Ma Durga.....they will be protected and given the same status as other sons of mother India.
16.19 But illegal Bangladeshi migrants, who are being brought to India in the name of vote-bank politics, will have to go back to Bangladesh."
16.20 The history of Assam is a little like the history of the Jews, eg 1894, from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Assam:
16.21 “in the violent repression that followed villagers were tortured and their properties were destroyed or looted”
16.22 This is why Christians, Muslims, Hindus, atheists etc. may wish to visit Khasi Monoliths burial grounds.
16.23 Use taxis to get around, pay Rs 25 per km, get dropped off and ask to be collected from same place 2 hours later.
16.24 Guwahati airport or Bangladesh, which is worse, go there.

17 Odisha (i.e. Orissa) 28 day pole dancing holiday 300 km
17.1 Not too far from Calcutta (Kolkata Railway Station, Canal Circular Rd, Belgachia, West Bengal 700004 only 8 hrs) AND Bangladesh.
17.2 Biju Patnaik International Airport
17.3 Proceed to des res (1hour away):
17.4 Bhubaneswar Airport Hotel Grand Central, Bhubaneswar Old Station Road, Bhubaneswar, Odisha 751006 099374 39074
17.5 “Free First Night for New User‎”, “Awesome Rooms, Great Service & 24x7 Hotline (60 Min Resolution, Else Free Stay*)”, so says www.makemytrip.com
17.6 info@hotelgrancentral.com,
17.7 Aside from Kolkata Railway Station AND Bangladesh, places to visit are:
17.8 Nandankanan Zoological Park, Nandankanan Rd, Near Police Station, Barang, Bhubaneswar, 754005 (1 hour, North).
17.9 Back to your “Awesome Rooms, Great Service & 24x7 Hotline (60 Min Resolution, Else Free Stay*)”, take 61 minutes, then South to.
17.10 (1.75 hours, 65 km from airport) Puri Hotel Shakti International (in Puri) 200 mtrs from private Sea Beach (both true) (2 nights):
17.11 Subash Chandra Bose Square, VIP Road, Puri, Odisha 752001 070777 04388 (possibly skip zoo and Awesome Rooms)
17.12 info@shaktiinternational.in,
17.13 Another day, head South West along sea coast to Chilka (Chilika) Lake (India's BIGGEST inland lake spread over 1,100 square kilometres):
17.14 On arrival 2 hours later, in Satapara, meet the Irrawaddy Dolphins and the Hrada- Sagar Sangam or the sea mouth:
17.15 Visit Nalbana Island. Enjoy the day at Chilka Lake. It is really nice place. Later, drive back to Puri Hotel 752001
17.16 Orissa is famous for its Lord Shiva, Lord Jagannath, Lord Krishna, Lord Ganesh, Goddess Lakshmi, Goddess Saraswati, Goddess Shakti temples.
17.17 Hindus “also worship their god in the form of a tree or wooden pole”, Nirakara Mahalik in Orissa Review.
17.18 “How Fast You Walk May Predict How Long You'll Live”, “The walking speed for those with the average life expectancy was about 0.8 meters per second (about 1.8 mph) for most age groups”
17.19 These two quotes from https://www.livescience.com. Anyways, at this pace after worship you will reach Bangladesh, North East, nice coastal journey,
17.20 days later (822 km)
17.21 Google Maps does not work well in Orissa, and no one else does either, but https://www.google.co.in/webhp (Google search) is not bad

Houseboats: the OLD TRUTH

1. Eg: Royal Lesiure Tours, Alleppey, cochin@royalleisuretours.com, "Thomas", 9744399344.
Address: Kerala houseboats, Pallathuruthi, Near Pallathuruthi bridge, Alleppey - 688011.
Trips leave ONLY at 12 noon and return ONLY either at 5 pm or 9 am next day,
but since no one else will be on the boat [WHY IS THIS?] you can get them to turn around and go back or stay longer whenever you like.
And if you want 1 pm departure, for example it is dead easy: ask.
5 hour trip cost Rs 5000 (not Rs 500) NOT negotiable.
If you want to turn back after 30 minutes, cost is Rs 5000 NOT negotiable.(not Rs 5).

COST is NOT Rs 7000 and NOT 6500 as also stated to Me.
For Rs 9000 you can stay on the boat for up to 2 days, 48 hours (NOT 48 hours/5 hours times Rs 5000 = Rs 48,000.
Also NOT Rs 12,000 as also stated). NOT NEGOTIABLE. TRUTH.
BUT, you can put on board the Indian army or 17 children and it is STILL Rs 9000.
Suppose you said I am bringing in army with machine guns, would they then negotiate? YES.

You do NOT need to book in advance.

What would happen if you brought a lady on to the boat and went into a bedroom? POLICE. APPROX $10,000 fine, OR ELSE.
BUT, nice trip.

2. Eg: Halo Backwaters, Alappuzha

Address: NOT Near Tip – Top Furniture,Muttom , NH – 47,Aluva,Kochi,Kerala,India – 683106 (Rubbish tip).
Address: Finishing Point at Alappuzha, info@halobackwaters.com , info@halokerala.com.com, Faizal Khader T,
0091 (484) 2629480, 0091 9847045075 , 9847345075 , 9947045075
Departures prompt at 12.00 noon Indian time.
Back 5.00 pm and also 09.00 am next day unless you wish otherwise.
"You can disembark from the houseboat at any time." [i.e. you are allowed to suicide yourself by jumping into lake.]
Accomodation, food (free) good NOT: [no reply].
Cost Rs 6500. 25 children or you alone it does not matter, this is the price and they are sticking to it.
Not quite such a nice trip.

3. Eg: Kayyaloram, Thrissur. Addr.: H.O. Kayaloram Houseboat Jetty, P.O. Manalur, Dist.Thrissur, Kerala -680 617
kayyaloram@gmail.com, www.kayyaloram.com, Mob.082811 93000 / 94000 / 95000 / 96000
REAL Decision maker, Mumbai:022-25253585/25257586
OR REAL REAL DECISION MAKERS: Indian secret service, Delhi who report directly to Narendra Modi, now gone.
Contact: Suresh Kumar (NOT Narendra Modi)
Cost Rs 7500 for 3 hours. NOT NEGOTIABLE. 1- 40 people.
ONLY do 3 hour trips. So cost for 1 hour trip is Rs 2500, 9 hour trip is Rs 9 times Rs 2500 = Rs 22,500 (NOT Rs 225).
Accomodation: good. Food good but not free.
Basic departure times 9.00 am, 12.00 am and 3.00 pm "prompt" ie whenever you want.
9.00 am/12.00 am/3.00 start. prompt.
Return to Manulur Jetty, NOT elsewhere.
Nice "scenic", relaxing tour, you will enjoy it, but 9 hours is a bit long. 2 hours is best.
PROBLEMS:
1. $10,000 extortion money if you bring woman on board. Consequences of not paying not very pleasant, like abominable horrid.
2. Fishy smells on backwaters, not on lake.

LESS THAN THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH:

EXAMPLE OF INDIAN TRUTH

1. Royal Lesiure Tours: So much correspondence I cannot be bothered to copy and paste, I am not overly worried
if you do not believe Me that this was RUBBISH RUBBISH RUBBISH LIES LIES LIES from start to finish.

2. Halo Backwaters: So much correspondence I cannot be bothered to copy and paste, I am not overly worried
if you do not believe Me that this was RUBBISH RUBBISH RUBBISH LIES LIES LIES from start to finish.

3. Kayyaloram, Thrissur:

3.1 QUESTIONS:

"Dear Varun and or Suresh
Do you not know your name?
Is it not possible to answer my questions?:

what
where
how long
cost
quality 3 star....
of your tours?
If you cannot do this I am still interested and you can call me on 0091 70 2588 5808.
You say your phone is "82 811 94000/9300 "
Are there one or more mistakes with these, eg end in 000 or 00?
Which country is 82? [TRUTH: SOUTH KOREA]

Many thanks
Shyam"

3.1 'ANSWERS'

"Dear Sir,
Do you not know your name? This is Suresh Kumar
[ACTUAL NAME: not VARUN, not Suresh, see below]
Is it not possible to answer my questions?: Yes
[i.e. NO]
1. What is the exact address/addresses where I can get on one of your houseboats? We are at Manulur Jetty, Thrissur District and 17 KMS from Thrissur, Kerala
[NOT THIS. TRUTH: H.O. Kayaloram Houseboat Jetty, P.O. Manalur, Dist.Thrissur, Kerala -680 617]
2. Do you have a telephone number where I can book in advance or ask questions? our Telephone number +91 82 811 94000/.91 82 811 93000/+91 82 811 95000
[TRUTH:022-25253585/25257586]
3. Can I just spend say 2-3 hours on the houseboat rather than a day or so? We have slots from 0900-1200, 1200-1500, 1500-1800 hours three hours cruise
[TRUTH: HOWEVER LONG YOU FUCKING WANT]
4. At what time do the houseboats leave, eg every hour or specific times? Are there times eg at night when you cannot board? There is not Night stay or cruise
[TRUTH: YOU WANT IT YOU GET IT]
5. If I cannot book in advance, is it still possible to get on a houseboat? we recommend advance reservation
cost Rs7500 for three hour cruise
[TRUTH. HE HAS NO AUTHORITY TO RECOMMEND ANYTHING. YOU NEGOTIATE WHAT YOU WANT WITH MUMBAI BOSS. RS 7500 NEGOTIABLE.
3 HOURS MEANS BETWEEN 1 AND 400 FOR EXAMPLE, COULD BE MORE, COULD BE LESS. WHATEVER YOU WANT.]
quality 3 star.No star catagory [TRUTH 4 STAR QUALITY]
Best Regards [TRUTH: FU]
Suresh Kumar [TRUTH: NOT EVEN KUMAR]
[REAL NAME: Rejeess Bhose]
NOT EVEN EMAIL ADDRESS WAS TRUTH.
NOT:email.kayyaloram@gmail.com

QUESTION: Do you think that if I again ask Mr Bhose for information he will:

lie?
shit in his pants?
tell Me that I and anyone I want can go on 'his' houseboat for free?

ANSWER: Cost price plus 15% profit mark-up to private houseboat owners for a while, and then they can charge whatever they want not what ex- secret service tell them.
Cost price is about the same as half a taxi ride, 12 rupees per kilometre travelled which for a houseboat is not very far

because a tortoise would win the race.

See My article Best Call Girl Centres in the World
about what happened to you if you even looked at a woman in a bedroom on a houseboat in Kerala.

How many policemen's wives, secret service agent wives etc. would you like to rape?

QUESTIONS:

Do you think that ALL Indians lie and cheat to the same extent as Kerala houseboat owners and key managers?
Or do you think that these 'men' only do so because they do not want to lose their balls?
Do you think that if I bring a woman onto one of these boats and am then arrested, the woman will be raped?
Or become owned by a rickshaw driver in one of Kerala's 'massage' parlours to be raped on average 15 times per day
by rickshaw drivers and police men?

ANSWERS:

YES, as much as they can.
India has hitherto been a socialist state. No-one wants to lose their balls.
People will do ANYTHING to avoid ball removal or becoming owned by a rickshaw driver.

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